Boris has moved….

Posted in Uncategorized on February 23, 2011 by Boris Bitter

BORIS BITTER new home

I hope you come and visit at the new cove….

Busted -Part I

Posted in Side stories on February 11, 2011 by Boris Bitter

Being able to bow to my destiny is something I still have to learn.

There are several things I am not so good at, one of these things is giving up.

My past has begun when I met this man and at the very same moment, my future has disappeared.

He has swallowed down my future, my life, my body and my soul, my entire being has become his thrall.

“There’s no use in you trying, Ruben. You know, if you don’t put up a fight I’ll be the one commanding.”

The problem is I don’t want you to stop. I don’t want to leave you, I don’t want you to be a traitor. If I have to choose between seeing you being killed or die, well than It’s better to die.

“Maybe it’s better to die” his words echoed my thoughts.

He pressed his lips lightly at the corner of my eye. Tears of anger were ready to fall and I was doing all I could to hide them keeping my head down.

The ropes holding my wrists were so tight that I barely felt the blood reaching my fingers.

“Why don’t you kill me Asre? I don’t care anymore, whatever you kill me, torture me or keep me alive. Let’ finish this. I understand that for you the fun is over. Kill me already!”

The battle of Marne had been gentle, not many of us had died but Asre was a traitor and I had tried to stop him, before someone else could discover it.

Unfortunately he had foreseen my intent and got me first.

I had lost and I was now his prisoner.

There had been a time in which things were different; at least that’s what I believed.

I had entered the Aine Force a few years before the battle of Marne.

It took Asre and I very little to become friends, we just had a sort of alchemy, we could talk without words and we mostly thought the same about almost everything.

I thought we shared something. I am a simpleton sun of a bitch. How could I let myself be conned by such a hoax.

Sasje died not long before I joined the force, he was my balance and when he died I lost myself. That’s what pushed me to send my application. The first one I met at the Academy was Asre.

I can still remember how gray the sky was, Asre was sitting on the entrance smoking a cigarette in a shiny white uniform, he was staring at something, a picture I thought.

Without realizing it I stared at him until he turned his face at me, possibly feeling observed.

“What do you want? Never seen a man before? Asshole”

“Aggressive sun of  a bitch…” I replied with clenched teeth letting my backpack fall.

I don’t know what possessed me; in one jump I was on him and I punched his face as hard as I could.  He fell from the wall, moaning for the pain, while dabbing drops of blood from his broken lip.

With a quick gaze at his jacket now stained of blood I noticed the medals hanging on his chest and the signs on his shoulders.

I had apparently won the best prize, he was a Major. The idea of spending my first day as an Aine Fighter in the punishment cell made me produce a painful expression:

“I am the one who has been hit, you jerk! Why are you the one pulling such a face?” he stood up still feeling at his jaw.

“You have a good jab dude. It won’t help though, the ones you are going to fight against use cannons…” He laughed.

I didn’t know what to say.

He stretched out his hand at me “I am Major Asre Xase, nice to meet you…well painful to meet you, I would say…I am sorry I have spit those jerky lines on you just before. I was just…” he pulled up the picture in his left hand so that I could have a look at it “I was just having a bad moment”

The guy next to him in the picture was a soldier too, they were laughing.

“He died a few months ago. I still can’t get over it…it’s the first time I lose one of my men…”

“I am the one who has to apologize. I just had a bad moment too.”

I shook his hand “I am Ruben Alexannder”.

“I’ll bring you to the officer to check in. Welcome to the Aine’s”

He said saluting me, I ineptly did the same and we left to the matriculation office.

After that day we spent a lot of our free time together, I discovered that we were the same age but he had entered the army very early in his life because his father was an officer and that he wanted to be a baseball player instead.

We were assigned to different platoons, but we met during the hours of leave when we went to town for a drink or just on the beach lying down, face to the starry night talking our souls out.

I told him what I could about Sasje and he told me about the accident who killed Jozef. We talked about the future we wanted after the war and about our dreams

I slowly began to trust him deeply and to feel affection for him, an affection which slowly became love.

Asre from his side didn’t show any particular feelings for me and I never heard him talking about love so I kept my thoughts for myself fearing that my confession would make me unwanted.

I tried to behave as normal as possible but unconsciously I began to avoid spending time alone with him.

The situation at the front was deteriorating and we soon received a transfer order to reinforce the troupes in Marne.

My Platoon got matched with Asre’s and we had to begin the preparation for the move right away, the departure was planned for the next day.

In the Aine Academy each soldier had his own small apartment. We were an élite corps and the land we defended treated us like heroes even before we did anything to proof we really were.

Once I finished to pack my stuff the lights in the courtyards were already on. I had skipped dinner:  for some reason I wanted to be alone.

I set on the bed and took Sasje’s picture. He was serious but under the blond locks his blue eyes were smiling, his glasses down on the tip of his nose as usual.

“Maybe, I’ll reach you soon…”I said talking to the picture.

“That’s not the spirit Lieutenant…” a voice said at my back.

Asre came in closing the door at his back.

I stood up and saluted.

“Why so formal Ruben Alexannder? We are in your room, nobody is here” he said approaching me.

“You are avoiding me since a few weeks. You probably thought I wouldn’t have noticed…didn’t you?”

I swallowed my unease.

“What are you talking about? I have seen you every day since I am in the Aine’s…what do you want me to do? Sleep with you?”

“Maybe…” was his sudden answer.

I froze. The time seemed to stop.

He frowned.

“I thought I was never going to tell you anything. I thought I would have gone over it. I thought, why risk my career for something that cannot be?… But then this call to Marne…I cannot risk to lose you like I did with Jozef, without even saying to you what I feel…now you can report me if you want to”

War takes out the worse of men, I thought, We become cowards and we let ourselves be caught by our feelings, we lose our dignity and we risk all for an ideal.

“I love you Asre. I love you since a long time now.That’s why I started to avoid being alone with you.” I uttered.

Protected: Cherry

Posted in the diary on November 24, 2010 by Boris Bitter

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Protected: Rough

Posted in Uncategorized on November 15, 2010 by Boris Bitter

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Protected: At this rate…that is…(what a f***ing title is this actually!)

Posted in Uncategorized on September 17, 2010 by Boris Bitter

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Protected: Shallow drafts & inspiration

Posted in statement from sleepless nights, the diary on September 15, 2010 by Boris Bitter

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The Flying Dutchman – the real story

Posted in Side stories, the diary on September 13, 2010 by Boris Bitter

Between Glenn and me it’s over since a long time,

I thought I could forget about him. It was a one night stand, I said to myself, but still I was thinking about him all the time. He is in my dreams, in my fantasies and on the point of my pen.

After our one and only night together, I didn’t see him anymore. I have his telephone number but my pride keeps me from calling him and besides, I know that for him it was just sex while I fear that Boris is lightly in love.

Now after two years I got an e-mail from him: something like “do you remember me? Long time no see… “ I tried not to answer, I swear…but it’s stronger than me…even after two years and some adventures further, when I think of him my ratio stops functioning.

How can I be such a jerk? I am 35 and he is 24, he has a girlfriend and I am a complete looser, so, I can be sure it was just some fun for him.

Still I answer the mail. I try to write a careless message from which he should get my surprise, but not my excitement, but I am not satisfied: I can still read the words “come and fuck me” among the lines and probably he can too.

He wrote me back stating “if you feel like doing something together let me know” and I replied I would have been at the ‘brown pub’ on thursday, that he could come and I would have paid him a beer…he didn’t show…

Dammit! What is he trying to obtain with this attitude…

Two weeks have passed.

I have been reading is e-mail, and my e-mail and the more I do it the more I want to see him.

I play with my mobile, throwing it from one hand to the other…I unlock it and click on the messages page. New. Add Contact….Flying Dutchman…

Please, tell me you are not doing it…my fingers are texting and the warning signals from my brain are merciless ignored “how are you doing. x”  before I am able to come back to my senses my thumb has pushed that goddamned send button.

I did it again, I have shown him that he still means something to me, I have shown him he still has Bo in his power, I have lost that little bit of dignity I had regained when he sent me his e-mail first after two years.

there’s no doubt about that: my brain is not the organ I am using to take decisions lately…

Now I am here, waiting for the fucking phone to vibrate.

Call me an idiot…I can’t help…